My dear, you cry and cry. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. If you can, write to her other survivors; I fervently hope they write to you. And don't let anyone tell you how you "ought" to feel - you feel what you feel and that is what you express. Expect to be inappropriate, especially at any memorial service you or her other survivors might have - you'll find yourself laughing at some silly memory and then feeling as if you shouldn't have - well, you should, some memories WILL make you laugh, there is nothing "unfaithful to the memory" about it, in fact, quite the opposite.

And I know exactly what you mean about feeling Raw. That one won't skin over for a while, perhaps years... but it will, eventually, it will. We'll cry for you too, here.