Patrish, all the thoughts here are right. I will add one or two, and ask you a question.

In case you are worrying about the crying, remember this-- a friend worth having, a good friend, is worth every single one of those tears when they leave us. The tears are, in addition to your own healing process, a tribute to the closeness the two of you achieved and the excellence of your frindship. Cry your salute and thanksgiving for her in your life, as she passes!

The question is this. Look deep inside those tears, Patrish... and what do you see that you had not seen clearly, about the reason for them? You say twice that you do not understand.... I would encourage you to explore that. Why do YOU think you do not understand??? What do you need to know, or look at, or think about that is on the other side of that not-understanding? It may not make sense to say, here, what that is, and it may be a long journey before you know, but I think it is part of what this event holds for you, and you know I am right here if you want to talk about it.

Last-- don't forget to lift your attention off the loss, too, and take breaks from it. She will be gone for a long time-- you don't have to grieve her all in one day. And take a lot of B and C vitamins-- those tears wash them right out, and you can get stuck in a pit when those levels fall too low.

You CAN do this, you know. Just follow where it leads.

~Susan