Amos, deep felt thanks for your suggestions - it is something practical to do that I actually believe in - I know that Jean is out there somewhere and will contact me, I was so caught up in my upset that I did not think further ahead,
Praise, my reason for not understanding is simple - I thought I was prepared for my friends death because I knew about it in advance, thought I could cope, didn't want her to suffer..... but in the end, when she finally died - it was me who found it hard to live with - life without Jean, me being selfish.
KB Thanks for the hugs - wish that were for real - the here and now. I agree with the journey Jean is on and I wish her well, its as I said before the selfishness of the loss etc. I just cant see past mine and her families loss just now. This time next week will be different.
love
Patrish