Thank God you can still play the banjo and drink!

That'll teach you about that fitness stuff. If you were meant to lift heavy weights you'd have been born a crane and if you were meant to run some irate father'd be shootin' at ya.

In the meantime, from one recovering one-handeer to another...wiping is going to be hard for a while and I suggest wearing loafers instead of shoes that you have to tie.

Why, in the name of all that's holy, were you in Iowa????