We have thought about introducing dope tests at The Beech (M21 9EG). As head dope I am attracted to this concept.

As a general rule I would advocate no beer below 3.8% or above 5.5% under normal circumstances and no cider at all ever. Anybody testing outside this range could be banned for:

1. 10 mins
2. Until half time
3. The rest of their life

Indications of substance abuse might include:

1. Rambling on about the song and generally talking b*ll*cks before singing
2. Failing to get hold of the tune
3. Forgetting the words, ok twice
4.Playing the tenor banjo during Matty Groves and related ballads
5.Singing anything that has ever appeared ina 'Hit Parade@

Now, that should sort stuff out

L in C#