Well, Mary, I'll let Frederick Douglass comment on your post:

Neither the victors nor the vanquished [in the Civil War]can hurl reproaches at each other, and each may well enough respect and honor the bravery and skill of the other. Each found in the other a foeman worthy of his steel. The fiery ardor and impetuosity of the one was only a little more than matched by the steady valor and patient fortitude of the other. Thus far we meet upon common ground, and strew choicest flowers upon the graves of the dead heroes of each respectively and equally. But this war will not consent to be viewed simply as a physical contest....

We must not be asked to put no difference between those who fought for the Union and those who fought against it, or between loyalty and treason. ...

There was a right side and a wrong side in the late war, which no sentiment ought to cause us to forget, and while to-day we should have malice toward none, and charity toward all, it is no part of our duty to confound right with wrong, or loyalty with treason. ...

    Frederick Douglass
    Excerpts, Speech delivered at Union Square, New York City, on
    Decoration Day, May 30, 1878