Re "obey" ~~ it is a leftover from the 1662 revision of Cranmer's Book Of Common Prayer, which remained the standard work in use in Anglican churches until the New Prayer Book of the 1920s, which was still based on it; altho one or two minor revisions had obviously occurred from time to time ~ including an option to omit or replace 'obey'[and the groom would 'endow' her with, instead of sharing with her, 'all his worldly goods']. So there was at least a strong reason for these usages to be chosen by the traditional-minded, even if they both understood them to be just matters of form.

"Submit", on the other hand, with its overtone of BDSM and suchlike [surprised the new ritual doesn't require the groom to swear to 'dominate'!], is not in the same category, as implying a subordinate position within the marriage but with no warrant in previous usage whatever.

~M~