WARNING: OT and BS
Fresh off the wire:
Plans for the "neutralization" of our two presidents-elect have been uncovered. Apparently a motley group of high-powered magnates for soap operas and television series, as well as the owners of several football and baseball teams, conspired to assasinate Democratic candidate Gore and Republican candidate Bush, who they argue, in a statement posted on the Internet this morning, "...have maliciously contributed to the hardship of countless families by distracting from the truly American traditions of ingesting at least 6 hours per day of a healthy combination of soaps, sporting events, and other necessary ocular nutrients." Operatives for the group, which calls itself the Media Liberation Front were apprehended by the FBI and the Texas Rangers. The plot was foiled in part by agents of the above mentioned agencies, who have been actively investigating and infiltrating interests which are possibly damaged by the ongoing debate between the candidates.....