Don't be such an arse and people won't say funny things about you. You're just like those bloody royals: you just love the attention.

I had a mate once who brewed home brew in his bath. Breakfast was two flat pints scooped out and a couple of fags. He never actually looked particularly well. I was banned from making home brew after I'd stored a five-gallon barrel on top of the wardrobe. Unknown to me, there was a pinprick hole in the side of the barrel which, when pressure built up, produced an aerosol that projected beer five feet into the bedroom. You only ruin an expensive pair of lined curtains that way once. I've sewn 'em back on now, and I'm not talking about the curtains.