Having looked at only the thread title, I think there is a song in there.

Too obese to execute, dah dah,
Too obtuse to sub se quent ly
Send your moth er flowers on the phone.
Too obese to elocute, dah dah,
I am the dez ig nate ed driver,
Call the police and let them know
That fats is drivin' 'round.

Has the makings of a shanty, no?