G'day Stewie (and all other gnomes),

I have always heard these lines thus:

I'm not an elf, I'm not a sprite, I'm not a dwarf -
Forgets Snow White
I'm not a fairy, so get it right
I'm a gnome, a gnome.

So it's eyes to the floor with your motor mower
As you bowl across the green
When bashed in the bum, I can become
Both mischievous and mean
I'll trip you up and you'll go down flat
and don't forget me pointed hat
A terrible sight is a man who's sat
On a gnome, a gnome.

I don't have the tune written out anywhere ... I could ask Bernard if he has, but I suspect he just sings it! Perhaps some keen fan has transcribed it. I should have a link somewhere to Bernard's schizoid Lawyer/Singer-songwriter web site, but it seems not to have survived the last corporate computer upgrade.

Regards,

Bob Bolton