I cannot be an asshole. I am British so therefore an arsehole. At least my insults have the benefit of a snug fitting cap.

Now you have all cleared the air between yourselves, how about you now decide which of you polishes the straps, who weighs the prisoner and practices with sand bags and who, now we come to the exciting bit, gets to pull the lever!

For everybody else, a snippet in this morning's Independent says that a recent USA survey found not a single death row inmate was on the Atkins diet. There's a thesis in that for someone with a sense of gallows humour.