Patrish,

Time does heal. Having lost my best friend in a plane crash (he was flying back to Chicago after coming out to Seattle to visit me), I was totally devastated, and felt like it was my fault, to boot. Remembering all the wonderful things we had done together, and the good things about John, his smile, his laughter, his quirks -- it all helped. And of course nothing can take away the times you spent together, or what you meant to each other.

Go ahead and be devastated. Death is more than "a passage to a better place" or other such euphemisms. From where I stand, it is also a great evil, and should be mourned. Crying helps a lot. Music helps a lot. Don't cut off the tears; that makes it worse and turns it into a neurosis (or worse). Grief is natural in a world that contains death. It's okay to let yourself grieve.

Wish I could help more. Words are poor bandages.

Peace to you, blessings, prayers, hugs, and good memories.

Alex
O..O
=o=