The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #147286 Message #3422066
Posted By: Bat Goddess
18-Oct-12 - 12:17 PM
Thread Name: October Declutter & exercise~~~~ 2012
Subject: RE: October Declutter & exercise~~~~ 2012
I enjoy this thread and find it to be personally very encouraging. But sometimes I spend more of my online time at Facebook.
Sometimes, too, I need more encouragement than at other times. Right now I really need the encouragement.
And this info is for Mudcat, not Facebook (if that makes any sense).
I had an "ah hah!" moment on Saturday: I'm low-grade depressed. Probably the result of seven months of too much stress, trying to do everything -- all the stuff Tom used to be able to do, take care of him, try to get my projects accomplished, etc., the usual sort of letdown (and fatigue) after the Portsmouth Maritime Folk Festival, having a bug that really dragged me out...not enough social time with friends. So I immediately went out and bought a couple ounces of St. John's wort and got a tincture in the works -- that should majorly help.
Actually the identification of the problem alone should help. I'm not clinically depressed and I'm still quite functional (even though I have to force myself to do things sometimes), and my history is that I'm normally NOT depressed. I've had a couple very short bouts over the past 30 years. Enough to know what REAL depression is like and what that kind of paralysis and inability to make decisions feels like. And this isn't that -- just a very low-key blah feeling. The daily joy of living isn't there. I feel as if I'm being nibbled to death by ducks -- scrambling for money to supplement social security, little repair things around the house that Tom can no longer attend to, so I have to, normal maintenance-type housework and cooking (the stuff that's never really DONE). In a way it's good because it's a learning experience. I've always been reasonably handy especially if I can read somewhere on how to do something, but I'm not as energetic or as agile and flexible as I used to be. My knees are shot, among other things, and I don't have the stamina.
Yesterday I shovelled out the woodstove chimney's cleanout. There was a LOT of crap in there, so now I not only feel accomplished (and achy), but safer. And I got a little further in cleaning out the cellar. I also winterized some of the planters on the deck since the weather's pretty good.
Today I really need to find out from Tom where the water shutoff for the washer is so we can change the filter on the washing machine line. Tom says changing the filter is a two-person project, but he's always done it alone. When that's done I can finish the laundry.
I tried yesterday to spray paint "FREE" on a piece of plywood down cellar so I can get a pile o' stuff up to the head of the driveway and hope people will take it away. Spray paint didn't work, so today I'll bring the plywood upstairs and probably use a large permanent marker and hope that works. I've been putting this off too long.
Then I need to photograph some stuff I want to sell and pull the table out (and move aother bunch of stuff) so I can unscrew the map lamp from over the table and re-install it on my side of the bed. (The previous one which matched the one on the other side died; the lamp over the table is the same model lamp.) Then I can get rid of the "make do" lamp that's been on my nightstand for way too long. And if I'm really ambitious (probably not today) I can mount the NEW lamp (had it since February, I think) over the table. (My excuse is that Tom prefers the overhead because it's less glare-y for him and I can see well enough with the overhead that we haven't been actually using the map lamp. And there were too many other things to do that it just sort of fell by the wayside.)
I wish the St. Johns wort would kick in. It will, but it takes a little while. Meanwhile I'm muddling through. And I think I need the encouragement of this thread. Thanks, Stilly, for keeping it going!