Ladies and Gentlemen and gnu.

I have an announcement to make. This is serious.

In a few minutes I'm going to do something I've never done before. Yes, I admit that I shouldn't have let myself get roped into it. It was a slip and I'm paying for it.

The other day I went up to the Legion Hovel and Machine-Gun Sam stopped me. He drew himself up to his full five feet two inches, waved something in front of me, and said, "You a member of the NRA?"

I allowed that no, I was not. He pulled out a GIGANTIC revolver and stuck it under my nose and replied, "Gimme thirty-five dollars for a ticket. I'll buy you a drink."

"I don't HAVE thirty-five dollars, Sam," I said.

"Okay. Here's thirty-five bucks. Now give it to me and I'll give you a ticket," said he.

I took the money and gave it to him. He handed me a ticket.

And I'm off in a few minutes to dinner. It's the annual banquet for the local group of Friends of the NRA.

Forgive me. I was coerced. But it amounts to a free meal.