Maybe I can get a grant!!! This could go nationwide!

"Lissen, punk, and lissen up good. I'm a LIBRARIAN. Go on, make my day."

"Yes officer, that man came into the bank and started shooting. But it worked out okay, because fortunately Cindy Lou, the Reference Librarian, was here. HE won't be bothering us anymore!"

Oh, the people at the public service desks would love it! And catalogers:

"Waddayamean, you think it's cataloged wrong? You better smile when you say that, pardner."

Library directors:

"So you think that it was rude of the clerk at the circulation desk to make you wait in line to check out this book and now you object to the book being in the library at all. Well, I object to your face!"

"Mindy, I hate to do this, but I've warned you and warned you that you MUST pick up your brass after dealing with a patron. We're not made of money and maintenance has to reload our ammo. I'm afraid I'll have to let you have it."

Or Kiddy Litters:

"That was just a warning, kid, to keep quiet during Story Hour. Next time I'll do more than just clip your ear."