And while we're about it, has anyone got the words of a monologue "Moriarty's Christmas" or Moriarty's Homecoming" or something like that. I've asked before, but noone's come up with it so far.

No relation at all to the good old Dublin peeler - it's about a man working over in England who puts off going home to see his poor old mother just a little bit too long, and gets home for Christmas at last, just in time to miss her funeral.