I can't imagine anything more ghastly than Marmite jelly

Ah, don't forget, Eliza, that jelly in US terms is Jam. Marmite and Strawberry Jam Butties. Mmmmmmm :-)

I am not sure about the opening sentiments though. Pretty sure that Marmte could be used as an offensive weapon. Particularly Marmite Gold (Look it up yourself!)

Cheers

DtG