Jon, I'm sorry things are looking so bleak for you right now.....holiday time can be very difficult, but please know this.....These feelings WILL pass. You know they do. They come and go, yes, but you will get through this. You must remind yourself of that, daily. Also, there are lots of other folks who feel like this, especially during holiday time. Is there a nursing home or shelter or some other place where you might offer some volunteer time? There are lots of folks who would be thrilled to have you visit, perhaps write some letters for them, read to them, play music for them. Maybe you are doing something like this already, but if not, do consider it. You have much to offer! Take good care....KT