The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #59418   Message #3447990
Posted By: GUEST,Simon of Rottingham
06-Dec-12 - 09:10 AM
Thread Name: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Ye Bludynez Manuscript or Palimpsest

on making ye defense et attacke.

Know that I, Simon of Rottinham, do yis dai put penne to papre and committ to riting all that I hast lernt of
defense et attacke during mi long and honirable careere in ye military armes. I do yis so yt ye info might not be lost to
the ken of mortal menne nor or mortal womenne eiyer. By doing yis I hast made it so yt ye-all will not have to
reinvente ye wheele, so to speake.

Know ye yt ye best defense ist ye good ofense, and take up to live as best as ye can to my stile of life, as e’en my gud
wyfe doy say, Ye art ye most offensif wight who ne’er wiped shoen before y-comin in from ye mud and slyme of ye
barnyard. And yen she doth hitteth me with ye spyder, ye pot, ye skyllet, and ye pan. Learn that e’en being ye best
ofensif doth no always prevail, e’en tho’ ‘tis said to be ye best defens.

And take ye oeroes, and grind them fyne, and mix with 2 parts of oereos so ground 3 parts of sand and wette ye same
wiy bullock’s blud sufficient, and ye wals made with yis most excellente siment or mortyr will withstand ye trebuchet,
ye oranger, ye mining, ye 175 mm goone howitzere and wilt, if mixes aright, e’en turn thy M1A1 tanke of Abrams.

And best for ye defensee when confronted by ye force superiore too one’s own, is to droppeth thy breeches, grasp thy
ankles with thy handes, right to right and left to left, and laboring ahard at it, swingeth betwen thy own legges, and
kisseth thy arse goodby. Rember, yo, yat yere be no dishonour in running to fight another daye.