Nigel & Ann, please consider this to be simply in the fwiw department. During those times of standing still, try simply to soften around the pain so that you neither resist or nor cling, but accept. And in that moment of accepting what is in the moment, realize it is ok to accept all of that moment, not only the pain and anticipation of loss at some point in the future, but also the love, laughter, and delights for the senses that are there to be had in the same moment.   

And Nigel, don't worry in this thread about gun control in America. There are currently two threads, and many others that are archived where the debate on that issue, often rancorous, rages on.