I must have heard Val Doonican singing it, as I know the tune and the words are familiar, but some seem not quite right - but near enough, the spirit of the song is there.

I think the cabbage and bacon were surreptitiously taken, not vindictively.

I think it went

he ran into the grocery next to Mc'Cann's
Then shot off down the gutter
all covered in butter
And that's how he kept slipping out of our hands.

after it ate the bible -

The clerk of the court said 'and now kiss the pig'

Now I have a head full of Irish songs - probably thanks to Mr Doonican - I soon bet the master entirely at drinking, not a wake nor a wedding for five miles around - the day Delaney's donkey won the half mile race - oh drat.