I could tell ya what Renata does in her daily regimen, but she'd get mad as hell if I did. That wouldn't be good.

So I'm gonna tell ya what I do instead. First off, I open my eyes to a brand new day. I blink a few times and look around. Hmmm. Everthing looks okay. No new bullet holes in the door, walls or windows. No tickin' bombs. No rats in sight. So far so good. I take a deep breath and utter a piercin' SCREEEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that should help wake up most of the neighborhood. Ahhhhhh! That felt good!

I get outta bed. Yawn. Stretch. Scratch the itchy spots. Hmmm. Head for the bathroom sink. Gotta see if I am lookin' good today. Take a look at the mirror! HOO-HAH!!! I am lookin' GOOD. That calls for another SCREEEEEEEECHHHHHH!

I brush my teeth, makin' sure to brush the tongue as well. Ahhh! Nice and fresh and ready for action!

I drink a tall glass of cold water. Gotta get hydrated in preparation for the day of heavy drinkin' and smokin' that lies ahead.

I get out the shavin' bowl and lather up some shavin' cream, just like Bogart would. Spread it all over my face. Do a wee bit of trim just around the mouth lines...chimps don't really need to shave...then wipe it all off again.

Start the shower runnin'. Good and HOT. Leap in. EEEEEEE-YAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHH! A bit too hot. Turn up the cold a bit. That's GOOD. Ahhhh.

Leap outta the shower, toss a comb through my hair, put on my duds, make sure the 1911 pistol is loaded, and head out the front door to have breakfast and meet the day. Adventure is my middle name.

- Chongo