I wish I had some helpful advice to offer you Joe.
If I did I would surely apply it to my own situation.
I am the sole caregiver for my 33 year old daughter with a brain injury.
I can absolutely relate to the feelings of guilt that your dealing with.
There's not a day that goes by that I'm not confronted with this internal conflict of doing everything in my power to help her,& the feeling that I haven't done enough.
I can say,at least for me,the one thing that is the most important quality in our lives is,PATIENCE.

DB.