The Worst Mini Van in the History of the World. Green, red oxide touch up, rust. "Owned" by a friend but parked on our front lawn (rented house in London shared by 6 lads). Driven by anybody who would put a quid's worth of petrol in it. Insurance? !!!!

Sans speedo, sans wipers, sans dampers, sans everything except terminal rust in the floorpan. Handbrake fixed to the floor with pop rivets, which didn't prevent somebody ripping the lever from the floor wholesale. The ventilator on the van roof had been moved through 180 degrees, creating a refreshing gale which may have also aided downforce.

It accommodated three or four people crouching in the back, several barrels of beer and motor spares as necessary. The rear shock absorbers were both loose – as a result the interior of the vehicle sounded like a box of scrap iron – which of course it was.

Even with all the faults, you couldn't argue with the logic of its £15 purchase price, plenty of space, easy parking and the ability to remove an engine/gearbox unit by placing a ladder across the front wings (don't ask).

It avoided prosecution because its previous owner had been the police sergeant mentioned in my last post. The local Plod assumed he was still driving it and didn't pull the van over. Another reason is that the friend who owned this horror has always resembled a figure of authority, sometimes wearing plod-type blue shirts with epaulettes.