If the movie is about how the outcome of a historical event was determined by a character you've never heard of before, including (but not limited to) a game show producer, a cartoon mouse, or a horse, find another.

If a musical movie is a cartoon, but features only the songs of Elton John, take the kids skating instead.

If a movie has 3 or more A-list actors in comic "cameo" roles, you should walk away. If it is John Goodman, you should run.

If it is a film that exposes social hypocrisy in Sweden, buy an ABBA cd instead.

If the movie stars Madonna, or someone dressed like Madonna, you haven't got a prayer...