Dear S. McBride,

There is no danger of you bein' much like me. Trust me on this. Now, it is a fact that I used to walk quite a bit on my knuckles back when I was a bush ape in the Old Country. But when I started hangin' around with people, which I done from about the age of 8 years old, then I learned to go more toward walkin' only on the hind legs, except when climbin' trees or walls. This way yer hands are free to use guns and other useful tools, see? And you get more respect from humans that way.

You oughta try it. Just think, yer knuckles would heal up and yer hands would be a lot cleaner too. This could result in women showin' a bit more interest in you. A good motivator, ain't it?

So give it a try. And lemme know how it works out, okay?

- Chongo