ROMEO AND JULIET
(Adam McNaughtan)

CHORUS
Oh Montagu Montagu Montagu!
Oh Capulet Capulet Capulet!
Oh Montagu Montagu Montagu!
Capulet Capulet Capulet! – Montagu!

There's mayhem gaun oan in the toon o' Verona,
A city in Italy torn by dissension.
Capulet, Montagu, would stick wan on to you,
Simply for sayin' the ither side's name.
The Prince o' Verona said: "Jista haud oan"
And he called to the hall the two chiefs in contention.
"Any mair knives and you'll forfeit your lives
And I'll no bother askin' whit side was to blame.
A Montagu, Romeo, was sad and gloomy
Because Rosaline had declined his attention.
His pals said, "Forget her. We'll find somethin' better,
We'll go to the ball in auld Capulet's hame."

CHORUS

Though they hudnae been asked, still they pit oan their masks
An' away to the ball in the hall they went dancin'.
Romeo chasséd up tae Cap'let's lassie,
A girl o' sixteen but quite big for her size.
Her faither had planned it so she'd gie her hand
To the young County Paris, her fortune enhancin'.
But naeb'dy had taught her to recognise patter;
So Romeo's kiss took her quite by surprise.
That night he'd a gander up at her verandah
And then spent the time in the moonlight romancin'.
"I'll be your dame," she says. "Whit's in a name?
But we'd better get wed afore Faither gets wise."

CHORUS

Wi' the nurse and the friar these two did conspire
Right away, the next day, to get wed oan the quiet.
Says Romeo, "Right! Tonight is the night.
Jist lower the ladder. That's a' that I'll need."
But Tybalt, her cousin, was fizzin' and buzzin',
An' roamin' the streets lookin' oot for a riot;
Pushin Mercutio, stertit a stooshie
That came to an end wi' the baith o' them deid.
Since Romeo had struck Tybalt's death-blow
He knew frae Verona he'd soon have to sky it.
To hing oot in Mantua, that was his plan,
Wi' the Friar sendin' news to keep him up to speed.

CHORUS

So Juliet's left; o' her husband bereft;
She decides to abide whit awaits her wi' patience.
But she was embarrassed when her da said Paris
Would wed her on Thursday and no be denied.
Weepin' fresh torrents, she ran to Friar Lawrence,
Who thought up a plot to hoodwink her relations.
He'd gie her a potion to still a' her motion
An' they'd haud her funeral, thinkin' she'd died.
But Lawrence's note tellin' Romeo the plot
Didnae get brought to its due destination.
Romeo insteid heard that Juliet was deid
An' he rushed to the tomb jist to be by her side.

CHORUS

But ootside the vault he was called to a halt
By Paris, who'd barras o' flooers for strewin'.
Paris, he drew; Romeo ran him through,
And the County was left lyin' deid in his gore.
Romeo quaffed an apothec'ry's draught
An' he died by the side o'the bride he'd been wooin'.
Juliet recovered an' saw her deid lover
An' took her ain life wi' the dagger he wore.
Lawrence the Friar told whit had transpired
An' the Prince summont Capulet an' Montagu in.
They said "We're sorry.".-- End of the story!
We'll finish by singin' the chorus once more:

Oh Montagu Montagu Montagu!
Oh Capulet Capulet Capulet!
Oh Montagu Montagu Montagu!
Capulet Capulet Capulet! – Montagu!


A plea for these words was conveyed to me by one of my friends.
For a long time before I wrote the song, I'd been introducing "Oor Hamlet" by saying I intended to write a version of R & J with the audience divided into Montagus and Capulets competing in the chorus. Eventually, Marie-Therese Allison, wife of another member of Stramash, who had been attending a self-assertion course, asserted herself and told me to stop messing about and write the song. It first appeared in print on the cover of my quarterly catalogue of second-hand books in Spring 2004. This is only the second time I have typed it out and I am not surprised to find that singing has altered the text in several places.
One comment on pronunciation: Glaswegians pronounce the word "ball" when applied to the spherical object for kicking, as "baw" (usually written "ba'". When referring to a grand dance, most of us would pronounce it as in Standard English. So I have spelled it "ball" in this song and, for the sake of the rhymes, have spelled "hall" to match. The same applies to "called" when it appears between "vault" and "halt". Glaswegian singers may, of course, continue to pronounce them a' the other way.