Both my brother and I were adopted, and we each adopted children, two Columbians for him – he taught in the American School down there for many years, and one for me. I don't know what pressures are put on kids in this situation today, but when we were growing up, we knew from as early as we could understand the concept that we were adopted, and made to feel special, having been carefully selected by our adoptive parents. This gave us something to fall back on should school yard banter turn nasty, "I was chosen/wanted, but your parents HAD to take you!" While this could easily get you a fat lip, especially if the tormentor was an accident, it did deflect the onus from us onto others.

Neither of us tried to look up our birth mothers – it was much harder then, and not as prevalent either, but my son's natural mother contacted us and then him, and he has a good relationship with her, and has met his natural father as well. He seems to be OK with the whole situation, and we have no problems with it, so things are cool.

I think where things go really badly is when the parents never even hint that a child is adopted, and then someone in the extended family lets it slip inadvertently, or maliciously. Now the kid is all wrapped up in the imagined reasons that he or she was never told from the beginning. The child may decide that the parents were ashamed of the circumstances of the birth or the adoption, and hence of the child as well, or feel that the parents have mislead the child due to trust issues, further driving the child from what was a happy family.

Dave