I think I see the direction Max is headed in...

We get people drunk, photograph them nude, and then blackmail them to not be included in the calendar.

I've already started to pick out my accessories, setting, and pose...sitting on a stool with my accordion in front of the parts I don't want you to see (one leg crossed over the other just in case), fishnet stockings, and a beret. On the stage of the Apollo Theater in Martinsburg, with moody bistro lighting. I think it could work. I just need a good photographer.