My dear Goofus..

When I hit my finger with a hammer I shout "Jesus F*cking Christ!!"

When I am on the vinegar stroke, I have been known to mutter "Oh Jesus, I..I..I'm ccoo....mmm" you get the picture.

I call days of the week Wednesday, Thursday etc, but Norse Gods are about as relevant to me as Sailor Boy's imaginary friend.

What's your fascination with ants anyway? Taking one for the team and each having a set role for the good of the community is something they and rational humans can do without thanking a deity for afterwards. I would use cats as a reference but they are not a good example of community altruism. I would have liked to though on the basis someone told me there are no cats in the bible.

To which I might add kangaroos, dodos, polar bears, Gloucester Old Spot or labradoodles.

The only subliminal thing I am trying to get out is that I might have to agree with those who reckon I have gone all middle class in recent years. Can I get it out in the open Goofus? You see, years ago, I always served lamb with mint. Nowadays I tend to use rosemary and garlic. Do you think its true? Have I really been affected by buying an Aga? I don't think its gone as far as putting on Sunday best, muttering chants and patronising the poor though.