You know Rebecca I first read your post over an hour ago and was completely stumped as to how to reply. Choirs are very strange organisms and I'm not too sure I still have the urge to analyse such alien life forms, so please don't get too stressed if you don't understand the dynamics. The greatest gift of being a chorister is to make a contribution to overall entity - if you wish to stand out then you're probably in the wrong place. But it's important to be able to share your frustrations with someone else and maybe get another point of view. If the Director won't do this honestly then maybe another member can help. At the end of the day however the Director is the boss and he/she has a large say in the rules of engagement, regardless of equity, compassion or common sense. On your part you will need to accept this inevitability and enjoy yourself in spite of this - or not accept it and leave the choir.

It has not been by intenton to appear harsh but overwhemingly I would recommend that you stick with the choir even if the Direcor is less than perfect. That's the only outcome that will contribute joy to the situation.

Regards, John