Black = hole. That explains something a bit.

TSO's Mum has been having episodes (more frequent, long and alarming lately) for a couple of years. The first indication something was not right, was that she put her rubbish from eating an icecream (last bit of cone and napkin) into very highend shopping bag sitting on bench beside its owner. It was shiny black and rectangular bag. I had to apologise to the woman who was quite upset and unwilling to accept apology from me.

Evidently Mum thought she was seeing a black bin. She was unfazed by the whole event, even when we explained that it was someone's carrier bag full of shopping. All very uncharacteristc.

We are all (TSO, myself, TSO's sister and her husband) now looking at how to deal with her condition. TSO's Dad is 95 and not coping well as she often does not recognise him and has lately taken to going AWOL. They live 3 hours away from us and 2 hours away from their daughter. We have been taking it in turns to visit at least one to two times a month to give Dad a break.   

What I find, when Mum keeps trying to tell me about her American daughter in law (me), is to just go along with it. I ask her if she visits often? Does she enjoy the visits. I keep questions simple. Yes or No answers only. Having to think or force memory can often exacerbate an episode as it puts her in stress.

When we go out to meal (every visit) I look at the menu with her and ask her if she would like items, one at a time. She often gets befuddeld by the menu. The last few times it was much easier when I just said, "Would you like the lamb?" "Or would like the fish and chips?"

I have noticed that when Mum takes a tipple she has bad episode within an hour. This makes me think it is vascular dementia. Nurse just visited last week and offered nothing more than advice on getting meals delivered and someone to come in to clean and some leaflets from Age Concern. None of which they need. They have been able to cope with shopping, cooking and cleaning. We still don't have a definitive diagnoses. No tests done. I suspect they both keep playing it down. We have had been tagged by the landlord of the pub where we eat and from friends and neighbors about how bad it is getting. They want phone numbers from us so they know who to call when she is wandering. We don't know how to progress a proper medical diagnoses at such distance.