Mentioned in Open Mike's playlist above. Not really about the horse, which is a hypothetical horse anyway. But it's a funny song worth having here.


IF I HAD A HORSE
As sung by Dave Stamey on "If I Had a Horse" (2003)

[Verse 1] Now if I had a horse,
A big white flashy horse,
I wouldn't be the kind of guy that I appear to be.
Well, I'd be different; I'd be better,
A hero right down to the letter,
And all them purty women would be after me.

[Chorus 1] 'Cause I'd be Tom Mix; I'd be the Lone Ranger.
I'd be John Wayne; I'd be the tall dark stranger.
I could ride into danger, 'cause I'd be brave, of course.
People would look up to me,
'Cause I'd be somethin' that they could aspire to be,
And this would all be possible if I just had a horse.

[Verse 2] If I had a hat,
A ten-gallon Stetson hat,
Well, I'd look so sharp, all my friends would be amazed,
'Cause I could tip it to the ladies.
My nose would always be shady,
And underneath the brim, I'd have a Gary-Cooper gaze.

[Chorus 2] And I'd be Tom Mix; I'd be the Lone Ranger.
I'd be Lash LaRue; I'd be the tall dark stranger.
I could save any widow's ranch in about eight seconds flat,
And you know, people would look up to me,
'Cause I'd be somethin' that they could aspire to be,
And this would all be possible if I just had a hat.

[Bridge] Clothes and trappin's don't make the man.
I know that's the way it's always gonna be,
But they can bring out the hero inside,
And, buddy, that's good enough for me.

[Verse 3] If I had some boots,
They'd go so well with my buckskin suit.
I could walk into places I never ever dared to go.
With my firm and manly stride,
Mean guys would just step aside,
And I'd be admired by folks I don't even know.

[Chorus 3] And I'd be Gene Autry; I'd be Roy Rogers.
I'd have a sidekick who's an old codger.
I could chase down robbers and I could recover the loot.
People would look up to me,
'Cause I'd be somethin' that they could aspire to be,
And this would all be possible if I just had some boots.

[Chorus 1] 'Cause I'd be Tom Mix; I'd be the Lone Ranger.
I'd be John Wayne; I'd be the tall dark stranger.
I could ride into danger, 'cause I'd be brave, of course,
And people would look up to me,
'Cause I'd be somethin' that they could aspire to be,
And this would all be possible if I just had a horse.

[Tag] It would all be possible if I just had a horse.