I certainly wouldn't question anyone who chose to send an aging family member to assisted care. My wife is a chiropractor, and she is unusually well-qualified to care for her mother. Still, the last two years have been hard work, and my wife had to quit her job. We have hired outside help over the last several months, and that has taken off some of the strain.

Mo suggests a cordless doorbell. We had a handbell, and a cordless doorbell - they worked very well, but after a while, we took it away because my mother-in-law was ringing it constantly at night and we couldn't get any sleep. It felt bad to ignore her calls, but most of the time she had forgotten what she wanted by the time we got there. The main problems was that my mother-in-law would get confused and frustrated at night, and she couldn't sleep. Finally, the doctor gave us a prescription for valium, and that helped her settle down. But then she got into hospice, and they gave her a different relaxant that works even better. So now she's sleeping most of the time, but at least she seems to be at peace. It was hard to see her so agitated and confused, and I'm so glad we found a solution. I wish we had been able to do that earlier.

So, now we're keeping vigil and not leaving her alone, because we don't want her to die alone. We've had a number of people stop in for a final visit, and we've hired extra help.

It will be a relief when this is over. She's lived a good 98 years, and I think her time has come.

-Joe-