An old thread, but maybe someone still needs a joke?

From the "Home Rangers Joke Book"

The Home Rangers combine bluegrass and cowboy songs into the perfect mix. The Home Rangers are: Richard Crowson-Editorial Cartoonist for the Wichita Eagle, Andrew McCalmont-Oil Man, Stan Greer-6th Grade teacher in Maize, America, David Hawkins-Insurance Guy and former Kansas Mandolin and Banjo Championship winner.

The Home Rangers have opened shows for Alison Krauss, Michael Martin Murphey, Red Steagall, Waddie Mitchell, and have played the prestigious Walnut Valley Festival in Winfield, Kansas.

Their recently released debut album entitled, "Bad Boots," includes cowboy songs, western music, and the original title song. Though many of the songs may be familiar, the arrangements are unique to The Home Rangers. Around the campfire, the boys call their music "moograss."


(No publication info or © shown, although you may need to make some adjustments. A few of these depend on "delivery" and appropriate mispronounciation.(?) Some can probably be turned into any ethnic/national/regional kind you need.

Did you hear about the shipload of yo-yo's that sank fourteen times?

Q. What do you say to a hitchhiker with one leg?
A. Hop in.

Q. Whatdaya call a dog with no legs?
A. Doesn't matter, he's not gonna come anyway.

Q. What's Irish and sits outside?
A. Patio Furniture.

Q. Why was Isaac 12 years old when God called Abraham to sacrifice his son?
A. Because if he had been a teenager, it wouldn't have been a sacrifice.

In a fancy restaurant David asked the waiter,
"Waiter, do you have frog's legs?" The waiter replied, "No, I just walk this way because my pants are too tight.

One day Stan saw Richard in the middle of the day.
He asked, "Why aren't you working?" Richard replied,
"The boss and I had a fight and he won't take back something he said,"
"What did he say?"
"You're fired."

Stan is happy to take this opportunity to say that his long time troubles with the IRS are nearly over. He recently received a letter from them that said, "Final Notice."

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A. A-flat minor.

Q. What's the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner?
A. You have to plug in a vacuum cleaner before it sucks.

Q. Why did the turkey cross the road?
A. It was the chicken's day off.

Q. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A. To get to the other slide.

Q. What did the doe say when she came out of the woods?
A. Boy, I'll never do that again for two bucks.

The Home Rangers were dining out on the road. The special of the day was beef tongue. Andrew ordered the tongue, Richard ordered the tongue, and David ordered the tongue. When it came time for Stan to order, he said, "I don't think I could stand to eat anything that came out of the mouth of an animal. Just bring me a couple of eggs."

Q. Do you know why you should always invite TWO Baptists to go fishing with you?
A. Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer . . invite two and they won't drink any.

Stan's grandfather died and he told the undertaker he wanted to give Grandpa the very best. They had the funeral and the undertaker sent him a bill for $16,000.
Stan paid it. A month later he got a bill for $85, which he paid, and the next month there was another $85 bill, and the next month another $85 dollar bill.
Finally Stan called up the undertaker and the undertaker said, "Well, Stan, you said you wanted the best for your Grandpa, so I rented him a tux."

When Stan was a kid they were so poor, when his little brother broke his arm, they had to take him out to the airport for x-rays.

They were so poor they'd lick stamps for dinner.

One fine summer day Stan was visiting pawn shops in Wichita when he spotted a beautiful golden rat that he just had to have. When he asked the price, he was told it was $500 with the explanation, and $50 without the explanation.
Being a bright fellow, Stan forked over the $50 and headed home with his prize. As he left the parking lot, he noticed several rats following his pickup. As, he headed down Broadway, thousands more joined them. Soon, every rat in Wichita was following. At the Johnny Mack bridge, Stan hurled the golden rat out the window into the Arkansas River. All the rats promptly jumped in the river after it and drowned.
Stan immediately headed for the pawn shop. When he walked through the front door, the proprietor said, "I'll bet you're here for the explanation." "No," Stan replied, "I'm here to buy that golden banjo."

One day while out on the range, David was bitten by a mad dog. He immediately took out a pad and pencil and started to write.
Stan ran up to him and said, "You don't have to write your will. They can cure rabies."
"It's not my will," David replied, "it's a list of people I'm going to bite."


Have you ever wondered when you see a V of geese flying over why one side of the V is longer than the other side?
It's because there are more geese on the long side.

David: "Stan, if it wasn't for one thing you'd be a bald faced liar."
Stan: "Oh yeah, what's that?"
David: "Your beard."

John