Both versions above are incomplete! I transcribed this one from Spotify:


THEY'RE EITHER TOO YOUNG OR TOO OLD
Words by Frank Loesser; music by Arthur Schwartz; ©1943.
As sung by Bette Davis on "Thank Your Lucky Stars – The Original Soundtrack Recording (Digitally Remastered)"

You marched away and left this town as empty as can be,
And I am like the driftwood in a deadly calm at sea.
I can't sit under the apple tree
With anyone else but me,
For there is no secret lover
That the draft board didn't discover.

They're either too young, or too old.
They're either too gray or too grassy green.
The pickings are poor and the crop is lean.
What's good is in the Army.
What's left will never harm me.

They're either too old or too young,
So, darling, you'll never get stung.
Tomorrow I'll go hiking with that Eagle Scout, unless,
I get a call from Grandpa for a snappy game of chess.

They're either too warm or too cold.
They're either too fast or too fast asleep,
So darling, believe me, I'm yours to keep.
There' isn't any gravy.
The gravy's in the Navy.

They're either too fresh or too stale.
There is no available male.
I will confess to one romance I'm sure you will allow.
He tries to serenade me but his voice is changing now.

They're either too bald or too bold.
I'm down to the wheelchair and bassinet.
My heart just refuses to get upset.
I simply can't compel it to,
With no Marine to tell it to.

I'm either their first breath of spring,
Or else I'm their last little fling.
I either get a fossil or an adolescent pup.
I either have to hold him off,
Or have to hold him up.
The battle is on, but the fortress will hold.
They're either too young or too old.

[instrumental interlude.]

I'll never, never fail ya,
When you are in Australia,
Or out in the Aleutians,
Or off among the Roossians,
And flying over Egypt,
Your heart will never be gypped,
And when ya get to India,
I'll still be what I've been to ya.
I've looked the field over and lo and behold—


[The last expected line "They're either too young or too old" is not sung.]