You don't need tons of sandwiches, just a couple of loaves and fishes. This is fantasy don't forget, so we work by fantasy rules.

You can say that, but Dave the miracle man hasn't even perfected his wine-to-water one yet (I was there for his first run-through and the water tasted suspiciously like piss to me, and he fell off his bloody chair half way through the testing). And I refuse to eat fish butties without butter. It's OK for you being all can-do from Adnams brewery but we're struggling here. Can't get the staff and Swollox has been hogging the lav all morning. It bloody stinks in here and I can't find the key to the bingo cupboard. I've met messiahs like you before, you know.   

I have it on good authority that Betty Swollox only makes sandwiches with her right hand, using her left one to wipe her arse, as scriptures dictate.

Yeah but she picks her nose with her right hand. When I challenged her about it she said she wasn't gonna put her left hand anywhere near her nose because it stank of shite. I do have some slight doubts about her level of hygiene, I have to tell you. Jeez, there's a queue of biddies outside the bingo hall door already. Have we got any Werther's Originals?