This is a true story

It was the morning after the night before
He rolled out of bed and hit the floor
Felt so poorly he reached for some pills
Hoping they'd cure his hangover ills
But the lid was childproof, too damn tight
He just could not shift it try as he might
So giving up he tried a different tack
And picked up a tube of fiery jack
Warms away aches and pains the label said
So he thought he'd try it and rubbed some on his head
Meanwhile nature called and he went to the loo
But he should have read further to know what to do
"Do not use on sensitive skin, wash hands after use
But he was in a hurry was his excuse
Now certain parts of the body are more sensitive you know
And what he was handling now suddenly started to glow
It didn't feel to bad at first and a smile came to his lips
But it soon disappeared when Fiery Jack got to grips
With a sudden realisation and mistaken belief
That rubbing harder would bring some relief
His problem got worse and started to grow
Cos Fiery Jacks comforting warmth increases blood flow
Then thinking quite logically as can happen with pain
He thought that cold water might ease the strain
So he turned on the tap and filled up the bin
But at such a sharp angle he could not get it in
So met with defeat and filling with dread
He had one more try standing on his head
This did the trick his manhood felt cooled
But Fiery Jacks strong, its effects overruled
The fire was out, but he still stood to attention
Oh how could he hide this trouser extension
He felt an idiot to have been so silly
To have cruelly mistreated his own precious willy
But the damage was done, he thought as he sat
At least I'll have somewhere to hang up me hat

love Patrish