With so many talented songwriters and parodists here I hesitate to....oh well, here's a start:
Find me a bollock on the floor
Find me a bollock on the floor
Hunted high, hunted low
Wher did that sucker go?
Find me a bollock on the floor

That woman bit me mean and low
That woman she bit me mean and low
She bit me mean and low
Now where did that bollock go?
Please help me find it 'fore you go

RtS (W.C. who?)