Don't play dumb.

Metaphor:

My love is like a red, red rose.

Experiment 1:

Using visible light spectrometer, compare L with RRR.

Result:

L occupies a similar spectral region to RRR, the similarity increasing as experiment continued.

Discussion:

Metaphor still tenable.

Experiment 2:

Fill L's boots with horse manure. Apply similar treatment to pot RRR stands in.

Result:

L's colour now exactly matches RRR. L removed boots and hurled them at investigator. RRR did not.

Discussion:

Inconclusive. Metaphor still maintainable, with caveats.

Experiment 3:

(1) Cut L's head off and put it in a vase of water. See how long it lasts. As a control, cut the head off RRR and treat likewise.

Result:

L's colour tended to spread over spectrum before tending to green wavelengths. RRR colour remained largely constant.

Discussion:

Love not greatly like a RRR. Metaphor not supported.

At this point the investigation was terminated. The results were published in the 6 0'clock news.