I recently sent a letter to my family explaining how ADHD has affected my life. Below is an edited version. I include it here in the Mudcat to explain to my former band mates and to anyone who has had to listen to me stumble of lyrics just why that happens:

A few years ago I announced that I had been diagnosed with a disability called Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The announcement seemed to fall into a pool of silence. At the time I didn't worry about it but in recent calls and messages I have come to realize how little that means to you all.

Consider, if I had been confined to a wheelchair all my life you would understand how that impacted my life. Because I do not go halting through my days on wheels or crutches you cannot see the impact and therefore you discount it. I am going to try to get you to see what I am talking about.

ADHD is a mental disability that is recognized by the medical establishment and is covered by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) of 2004. As such it is one of the things teachers must be aware of and families need to consider for their kids' education. It is widespread with many different estimates of just how many people have it. It does not go away when the child grows up. It continues throughout the person's life.

Symptoms include but are not limited to: Difficulty Getting Organized; Reckless Driving and Traffic Accidents; Marital Difficulties; Extreme Distractibility; Poor Listening Skills; Restlessness; Difficulty Relaxing; Difficulty Starting a Task; Chronic Lateness; Angry Outbursts and; Prioritizing Issues. Any of that sound familiar? Several of these can be ascribed to extreme distractibility. Difficulty getting organized, reckless driving and traffic accidents, difficulty starting tasks, and problems in prioritizing issues can all be called examples of extreme distraction.

I need you to understand this thing called "extreme distraction" to make you see how difficult it has made my life. Since I cannot imagine what it is like to be inside your brain I cannot make a comparison. Here is a trip through my mind at any given minute. Take a task, like reading a textbook, or getting dressed, or driving a car. You begin well, but immediately your mind runs off in another direction and suddenly you are singing in front of an audience with Roll & Go, flying to Florida on your first airplane ride in the 1960s, snorkeling in the Virgin Islands from back in the Navy days, remembering you need to take out the trash, wondering how long ago you changed the oil in the car, deciding you are hungry… Then in the second minute of your task… I'm serious. It is just like that. All. The. Time. And there is no prioritizing those thoughts or pushing them away. They flash through your head as fast as possible and the only way to make them stop is to go to sleep… if you are tired enough that they slow down long enough to let you relax.

Another part of this is impulsive behavior. People with ADHD tend to be overweight because they eat impulsively. Because of the distractibility issue they have a difficulty keeping up with an exercise program. As a result they tend to have more health issues. Because they are so forgetful (once more the distractibility issue) medical appointments are missed and calling to reset them doesn't get done. Medications have to be placed exactly where they will see them when they are most likely to have a beverage in hand which means at their place at the breakfast table. That does not mean in the junk that occupies one corner, or "out of the way" or anything like that. "Out of sight, out of mind" must have been written by someone with ADHD because the next time that needful task floats through their mind is when the medications are not anywhere nearby.

The impulsive behavior is also why I have trouble saving money. After the ID theft incident I cancelled all my credit cards. I will not have another. Currently the only long term debt I have is my house and my car. I want to keep it that way. But that does not mean I am saving money. I try very hard to stay away from town because I know if I go I will spend money.

Another symptom is something called hyperfocus. While the distractibility keeps a person from paying attention to people or things the person with ADHD can become hyperfocused when there is something that really catches their attention. Hyperfocus is not what you have when you are just interested in something. When you are hyperfocused the rest of the world ceases to exist. These days it is most common with video games but it can happen with a range of things depending on the person.

While there are plenty of people without ADHD who have marital difficulties people with ADHD have them because of the forgetfulness, the inability to participate in a conversations, and impulsive behavior. When the spouse wants to talk the ADHD person might be willing but soon loses the thread of the conversation. Too many other things are pressing for his attention. When the spouse needs something done and the ADHD spouse forgets to take care of it only a few minutes after being asked it is hard to remember that there is a reason for it.

This is how it is for me. Just taking showers I've washed my hair twice or forgot to rinse my armpits until toweling off. I have to be very careful in pretty much everything I do. Sitting through a class, a meeting, a conversation, only works for a short time because the uncontrollable thoughts take your mind away. Reading anything not absorbing, such as a textbook, becomes a struggle.

There are workarounds. When I need to read a text that is the least bit dull (pretty much all of them) I scan the chapter into the computer as a picture, convert the picture to a digital word document, and then, because the scanner and software are never accurate, I edit the document to correct errors. I cannot read it but I can edit it. In the process I can highlight important points and make comment in the margins. My medications are placed front and center at my place for breakfast. I use the calendar on my phone and my Nook to track where I need to be and when. If it doesn't go into the phone when it is scheduled then I will probably forget it.

If I can somehow repeat a task often enough it might become habit and I might remember to do it when it needs to be done. That is how I remember to call Mom on Sunday mornings. It isn't perfect. Many times Wakana has to remind me or I will forget to call. That's also why the phone card lives on the table.

I frequently fail to keep in touch with anyone who isn't right in my local area. If it weren't for FaceBook, which I check at irregular intervals (forgetful), I wouldn't be able to keep up with family and friends. I sang with Roll & Go for 10 years but Charley is the only one I keep in touch with and that is only because he initiated it and I got him into my FaceBook page as a friend.

The following list of symptoms is from WebMD but the descriptions are mine. If you want to see what WebMD has to say about this you can click (http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/10-symptoms-adult-adhd) to go to that site.

Symptoms of ADHD include but are not limited to:

•        Difficulty Getting Organized
o        Until I could get my paycheck delivered straight to the bank and have the bank pay my bills from my account I was always late with payments. Quite often my power or cable would be shut off for non-payment. I must have paid thousand in late fees and reconnection charges. Now things get paid regularly.

•        Reckless Driving and Traffic Accidents
o        I've been lucky with this. I like to drive so I tend to do it well enough to avoid most near misses or accidents. However, Wakana generally insists on driving because riding with me makes her nervous.

•        Marital Difficulties
o        The person with ADHD can't focus on conversations and is very forgetful. Need I say more? Wakana gets frustrated because she will go into town for something, tell me where she's going and why, and then hear me ask where she's going. Or she will have to ask me several times to do something that needs to be done.

•        Extreme Distractibility
o        This really drove the guys in Roll & Go nuts. We would be on stage and someone would say something or someone in the audience would do something and the song was instantly wiped from my memory. I was never well rehearsed because I would forget or otherwise get distracted when I was supposed to be practicing. Remember, there is no automatic prioritization of thoughts and no control over them. This is why I cannot have a pet. I would not feed them regularly or clean up after them no matter how bad the smell.

•        Poor Listening Skills
o        This really frustrates me and has led to my avoidance of social situations. I am fine in the first few minutes of conversation but the damned ADHD soon tears me away and sends me into other regions. Also, in a crowd I cannot distinguish my conversation with one person from those conversations going on around me so I tend to avoid those situations.

•        Restlessness
o        This has not been a big problem for me though my feet and legs are continually bouncing and moving. Also I cannot work for long on any one thing, be it something I like or something I am ambivalent towards. Thus, I could never remember to practice with my guitar and never was able to play it very well.

•        Difficulty Relaxing

o        Never been a problem for me except as regards the previous item. ADHD manifests differently in different people and especially between men and women.

•        Difficulty Starting a Task
o        Dad used to tell me that a large part of any project is accumulating the materials. Because of the extreme distractibility starting a project means losing track in that stage. Next thing you know months have gone by with no progress. But if you just start the project planning to accumulate the materials as you go you quickly lose track of the project and, once more, months go by with no progress.

•        Chronic Lateness
o        This relates to extreme distractibility. As stated above if an event does not go into my phone calendar it doesn't happen for me. Even with notification in time it is likely I'll be distracted in the process of getting ready to go and end up late anyway.

•        Angry Outbursts
o        This one relates to impulsiveness. The quick flash of anger, expressed loudly, hits without warning. This really frustrates Wakana, as it has for the other women with whom I have shared my life. I try, really I do, to keep from boiling over but sometimes it pops before I know what is happening. The weird thing is almost immediately after there is nothing left of the anger. But the people around me do not forget.

•        Prioritizing Issues
o        Can't be done, at least not by me. This has frustrated my bosses down through the years as well as family and friends. I used to tell my co-workers to make headquarters ask for something three times. If they didn't ask three times then they must not really want it. This was just a cover for not being able to prioritize. I decided the needs of the local offices were prime and generally ignored the needs of headquarters. I used to tell people my job was like an archaeologist's. I would dig down through the layers on my desk looking for the oldest needful thing.
o        At home I would work on whatever came to my attention first as long as the other issues above didn't stop me. Usually they did.

As an example of all of the above consider that it has taken me most of a year to write this letter. If you've made it this far: congratulations. If not then I have nothing more to say, you wouldn't see it anyway.

There is no cure but there is a treatment. I have been seeing a psychologist for a long time. He diagnosed the problem and is trying to treat it with stimulants. We've tried Adderoll and Ritalin. I am now trying Vyvanse. He has another plan if these don't clear my head.

As I said, I am writing this only to try to explain to you what I go through every minute of every day. I hope this clears up some of the confusion.