A problem that I have with the holiday-dinner-get together-warm and fuzzy thing is that everyone for a month beforehand asks, And what are you doing for Thanksgiving/Christmas? I always have to stop and think of a suitable answer- it's never automatic. I'd like to say that I'm Jewish or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or something so it would be self explanatory, but it's never that easy.

When my daughter was home, we celebrated it all. It was important to her, and I wanted her to have the memories a lot of other kids have. When she grew up, I stopped putting up a tree and now give gifts and cards to only a select few- and most of those I send at New Year's. I'd rather gift someone when I find something that made me think of them than to do it at button-pushing time.

I don't have family here. Even though I'm invited to a number of places each year, I don't like going to families' homes on those days. Frankly, I don't even like going to single's homes on those days. I just don't celebrate the occasions. As for thanksgiving, I feel much more thankful by myself alone with the recognition of all the things I have to be thankful for.

Two Christmases ago, I caught the early, early ferry to Skagway (a 6-hour trip). It was a cold, clear night, the northern lights covered the sky and I watched and meditated from the solarium. It was awesome. The down side was that it was also COLD and they had stopped renting blankets so I couldn't stay out long at a time. Had to go in and warm up for 30 minutes so I could go back out for 10...But it was memorable.

My favorite way to spend holidays is potluck with music. Before this one unrelated-adults' home disbanded, we'd trek over there with our hot foods and salads and desserts and our instruments. There was music all afternoon and night. Along about 6 pm, the turkey would come out of the oven and the smells were to die for.

I do miss the holiday dinners! For three or four years I helped serve at our local homeless shelter but I stopped because there were so many volunteers you stood in line 8 people deep to get one filled plate to deliver to a table.

I could check to see what help the local nursing homes and hospital need. But then I don't like the atmosphere on those days- the bright, false pretense that all is right with the world. Ah, fiddle!

Ebbie