Hiya,

This might be a bit long.

I've always had an anxiety problem & a temper like a volcano due to disability. I've been toying w/ the idea of a catheter for a while cos I can't stand up & things have always been a bit "iffy" on/off throughout my life), but according to GP & staff not "iffy" enough to do anything about.

If/when I need hoisting I find it difficult to move/breathe/speak, spasm all over the place, etc. & generally feel as if I'm being cut in ½ w/ pain (my parents have seen this) I wasn't at that stage yet but I knew I would be soon. When I occupy myself it goes.

I'm far too young to have a catheter put in– I'm 30 -- & there's no medical reason, the stress I'm under when hoisting is needed doesn't count -- , & the best thing to do would be to monitor my fluid intake instead, up my medication, go to counselling, etc. which I've done before only for none of it to work. I'm always thirsty anyway (I don't know why) so I drink a lot; I was drinking about 3l per day.

So I was chilling out w/ Pentangle on (part of why my tastes reverted is cos this sort of music calms me down) I rang to get hoisted & the young woman who came in said she couldn't do anything & I was to "deal w/ it" & a lot worse. Nobody needs hoisting as much as me apparently, even though my friend's got the same problem.

I can understand in a way cos this woman's not disabled, & I do know I can't be hoisted every 5 secs, but nearly fell out of my wheelchair cos I was that cross.

I lashed out, telling her I was glad she was leaving (I never liked her cos she's a bully & she's got the wrong attitude to work here anyway, there's always one, more if you're unlucky) & now she wants to press charges & I've got an eviction staring me in the face. Her mum's the boss & backed her up rather than me, twisting what I said.

She's no longer leaving, but I think my quality of life would be a lot better catheterised than not. It'd be the end of most of my problems. I'd leave was the problem not going to be exactly the same everywhere else I've stayed. I can take/leave the other residents & were I to leave, I doubt I'd miss most of them cos they never talk any sense.

I hated one home I was in cos I was in pads 24/7 & the staff there were even worse than aforementioned woman – downright nasty – the only good thing was it was close to my parents' house (which is one of the reasons I chose this place) but at least I wasn't in this state. Were I to leave I'd end up there.

Why would I need any of these options?? I didn't realise a physical problem needed counselling. Why can't a catheter just be put in, job done? I thought things were going too well where I live now.

Requiem aeternum, dona ei, Domine.......

Any advice ??