On no provocation but their own paranoia, they constantly attack religion and the religious.

But we never start these arguments, do we! And if I constantly attacked religion and the religious I'd have neither friends nor family. Organised religion is up for grabs as far as I'm concerned, and I don't mind attacking unreasonable behaviour or ludicrous claims for faith made in public, sending children to faith schools or denying evolution, for example.

This Dora, Musket. I happen to be currently looking for a gospel writer (she only needs to have vaguely heard of us as well as having a fertile imagination). Do you think she could keep her legs together for long enough to pen a trial chapter or two? We could call her efforts The Barnsley Scrolls, written in thick felt-tip on used chip wrappers. Obviously we'd have to pretend to "discover" them somewhere. Are there caves in Barnsley?

How's her hygiene, by the way? Once bitten and all that...