THE EVERLASTING PERCY
by E V Knox


I used to be a fearful lad,
The things I did were downright bad;
And worst of all were what I done
From seventeen to twenty one
On all the railways far and wide
From sinfulness and shameful pride.

For several years I was so wicked
I used to go without a ticket,
And travelled underneath the seat
Down in the dust of people's feet,
Or else I sat as bold as brass
And told them "Season" in First Class.
In 1921, at Harwich,
I smoked in a non-smoking carriage;
I never knew what Life nor Art meant,
I wrote "Reserved" on my compartment,
And once (I was a guilty man)
I swapped the labels in guard's van.

From 1922 to 4,
I leaned against the carriage door
Without a -looking at the latch;
And once, a-leaving Colnet Hatch,
I put a huge and heavy parcel
Which I were taking to Newcastle,
Entirely filled with lumps of lead,
Up on the rack above my head;
And when it tumbled down, oh Lord!
I pulled communication cord.
The guard came round and said "You mule!
What have you done you dirty fool?"
I simply sat and smiled and said
"Is this train right for Holyhead?"
He said "You blinking blasted swine,
You'll have to pay the five pound fine."
I gave a false name and address,
Puffed up with my vaingloriousness.
At Bickershaw and Strood and Staines
I've often got on moving trains,
And once alit at Norwood West
Before my coach had come to rest.
A window and a lamp I broke
At Chipping Sodbury and Stoke
And worse I did at Wissendine:
I threw out bottles on the line
And other articles as be
Likely to cause grave injury
To persons working on the line-
That's what I did at Wissendine.
I grew so careless what I'd do
Throwing out things, and dangerous too,
That, last and worst of all I'd done,
I threw a great sultana bun
Out of the train at Pontypridd-
It hit a platelayer, it did,
I thought that I should have to swing
And never hear the sweet birds sing.
The jury recommended mercy,
And that's how grace was given to Percy.

And now I have a motorbike,
And up and down the dales I hike,
Seeing the lovely birds and flowers,
And windmills with their sails and towers,
And all the wide sweep of the Downs
And villages and country towns
And hear the mowers mowing hay
And smell the great sea far away
And always keeping - cars be blowed-
Well on the wrong side of the road.
Never heeding hoots nor warners.
'specially around the corners.
I have a flapper on the carrier.
Some day I'm going to marry her.