I have recently been reading some of the threads discussing songs which give offense by poking fun at perceived ethnic characteristics and they make for enlightening and sobering reading.

I notice however that nobody has yet complained about a song which, (to our shame) is to be found in the Digitrad under the title of "The Scotsman's Kilt", also known simply as "The Scotsman".

For years we Scots have had to put up with the rest of the world making jokes about our drinking habits and our meanness (or cheapness, as they say in the USA ). And by and large we have tolerated the jibes and jokes with good humor, because there is a large measure of truth in the generalization : on the whole, the Scots DO like to drink copious amounts of alcohol, and they DO have deep pockets and short arms.

But now, a song has become popular which threatens the well-being of every Scotsman who dares to wear a kilt on foreign soil, by making public what has always been well-known but never openly discussed, namely the fact that Scotsmen are endowed with abnormally large genitalia. Within Scotland this has always been taken for granted, the ladies accepted this as one of the facts of life, and thought no more of it.

But since this song has become popular in the USA, it has caused a frenzy of excitement among American women attending Highland Games from Maine to California,(and , for some reason, especially in Ohio) all eager to experience for themselves what the fuss is all about. Naturally, being gentlemen, we are always eager to oblige, but the time has come to call a halt to this perception of kilted Scotsmen as mere sex objects. We are sensitive, we have minds and emotions as well as bodies. Can you imagine the strain of being constantly accosted by predatory women, all eager to ply you with copious amounts of drink with the express aim of enjoying your body? Fortunately, so far I have managed to rise to the occasion, but I know that some of my compatriots have wilted under the stress.

So, for the well-being of all Scots abroad, may I make this plea that you desist from singing this song, maybe then the hysteria will subside and we can go back to living our lives as normally as possible. Remember, we did not ask to be thus gifted. Let it remain a blessing, let it not be transformed into a curse.

Thank you all for your understanding.

Murray