Pete:

There is an automated battery driven version of the Brooks Brothers Bread Spreader on the market now, under the label of The Brookstone Breader. It has a chip i it that smells decaying bread and deploys a titanium spatula to scoop it up, and stuff it into an odor-proof plastic baggie--all mounted on a 24-volt RC chassis so you can sit on your duff steering it around from clump to clump. Take up a collection--it's only $2734 US -- and your bread-spread problems will be over.