WINONA RYDER FOUND IN CANADIAN LOVE NEST!

Orilla, ON, October 29: Winona Ryder was found by the OPP today cuddling with Little Hawk, a notorious sex maniac living in Orilla. "It's my birthday and I'll do what I wanna," the sexy starlet pouted, "And I just wanna be with Li'l Hawky."

The OPP discovered the tryst while answering a call screams coming from a house owned by Hawk. They discovered that these were screams of passion.

No charges were filed as no crime was committed. Mr. Hawk and Ms. Ryder were politely asked to "keep it down."