Greetings Teuchters.
A number of my old friends from St. Andys, sleepers on this forum, have contacted me requesting that I enlighten the great unwashed as to how I acquired my unusual Scottish middle name and being someone who believes that any pronouncement made by me will be waited on with baited breath I have decided to enlighten youse [note the subtle use of the vernacular] as to how I acquired it.
Days before I was born the pater had picked up a book by an obscure poet chappie called Bobby Burns,[ he still breaks into a sweat when he remembers that he thought he was going to be stopped when leaving the shop with the unpaid book in his pocket] in that volume he came across the word houghmagandie, the mater agreeing with him that it would be one in the eye for our neighbours the Cholmundlays in the oneupman stakes it was duly bestowed on me and was greatly admired by all our friends and fellow white settlers, even all those I came into contact with at St. Andys in my student days thought it was a master stroke in integration by my parents, however my eyes were opened to its true meaning one evening when I was signing into a brothel// ere sauna using my own name, such a laugh it raised and I was for ever after known in those circles as "The F---er"